Yesterday, I sent out an email saying "fuck dishonest marketing." Those of you who know me, have actually interacted with me in any way, and/or follow me on socials are probably 0% surprised that I would say something like this. lol
Because it's aligned with my personality.
I'm sassy.
I'm direct.
I'm opinionated.
I tend not to sugarcoat things.
I call out BS when I see it.
Oh yeah, and I say things like "fuck," and take pole classes, and have a lightning bolt tattoo on my middle finger to give it extra oomph for when I say fuck being "ladylike" and adhering to outdated societal and patriarchal constructs of how women are "supposed" to behave.
That's just me. That is who I am as a human.
But I also very intentionally take these characteristics and kick em up a few notches in my branding and messaging.
Why...?
Because it's attract and repel marketing.
Meaning, by strategically showcasing these characteristics about myself, it helps me to attract my dream clients over and over again. The people who I absolutely love working with. People who I would go hang out with and have a drink together....or hell, even take a pole class with (and yes, my client Stacy and I legit do take pole classes together and it's always the highlight of my week). 😂
And here's a super sweet message I received from another client when I sent this out as an email last night, like wow, my heart. 🥺
Like honestly I am so grateful every single day for the incredible humans I have the opportunity to support, whether it's 1:1, in my courses, or in my agency NR Media.
And when you see me do stuff on my IG like put up sticky notes on my wall to celebrate those joining my programs? I'm not doing it as a cheesy performative FOMO marketing tactic. I do it because every single day when I sit down at my desk, the very first thing I do is look at every single sticky note, read and bring to mind the actual person, and send them so much love and gratitude that I have the honor of supporting them on their journey, in whatever capacity it may be.
( *cue the record scratch* )
Buttttttt let's not get too rose-colored glasses here about all this, because attract and repel marketing also has an uncomfortable side.
It's also very quickly going to piss people off.
You think everyone loves the fact that I drop f bombs and call shit out? That everyone finds it "so refreshing"?
No. lol
In fact, within only one hour of sending out that email earlier, I received multiple scathing emails in reply from people who were apparently so offended that I used "bad words" it was worth them taking time out of their life, time they can never get back, to tell me just how much it offended them and that they would be unsubscribing.
When you read or see the final result of my content, what you don't see is the stress and agonizing over "is this worded okay? Will this still get my point across while pissing off the least amount of people?" that goes on behind-the-scenes. Because the reality is I KNOW that when I send shit out like my "fuck dishonest marketing" email from earlier...I'm going to get hate for it. I'm going to piss people off.
And to be really honest with you, that's also the exact reason why I downplayed these aspects of myself for years (and sometimes still do, if I'm being honest).
Because for most my life, I always saw them as a weakness.
I can't even tell you how many times I've gotten in trouble for my mouth throughout my life.
For being the person that is the only one to speak up when everyone else around me is afraid to.
For burning bridges because I told the truth instead of simply saying what someone wanted to hear.
How many times I've heard, "Nicole, you shouldn't talk like that."
"That's not professional."
"That's not very ladylike."
It has taken a LOT of unlearning and working through internal limiting beliefs to get to where I am now. But the interesting thing I uncovered is that it was mostly beliefs that had been placed on me by others. And based on how other people wanted me to speak and act. Societal expectations of how women should behave. What the construct of being a "good girl" or being "ladylike" or being "professional" entails.
Currently, I do consider myself to be confident af and pretty unapologetic (I've actually had multiple clients ask me "Are you actually this confident in real life, too?" lol), but even for me...being that real and raw and vulnerable is still uncomfortable. And probably always will be to some extent, because I know that I'm 100% going to be rubbing some people the wrong way.
And the scariest thing about this is it's still who I actually am as a person.
So when people say something rude back in response, it is personal.
And it took me a long time (and many therapy sessions) to work through that and get to the point I'm at now, where I can acknowledge that...but still move forward being unapologetically me.
To be able to not take the mean comments to heart, and understand that at the end of the day it actually says much more about them than it does me. (But shoutout to the one reply I received from someone saying I don't use that language but I respect your choice and I will still enjoy your content and cheer you on.)
So that's the scary aspect of repelling.
However...
Once you can move past that, we get into the best part (in my opinion) of attract and repel marketing. Which is...
It will very quickly weed out the people who are NOT for you.
Don't wanna deal with mansplainers? Pro tip, ladies, drop a few f-bombs. 😂
By simply being my sassy, direct, opinionated, not sugarcoated, f-bomb dropping self, it actually does a lot of the prequalification work for me.
I don't have to waste my time having sales conversations with people just to figure out whether or not they would be a good fit.
I don't have to worry about being on client calls and not being able to be myself.
I don't have to worry about taking clients or students on and then later figuring out we're not a good fit and then having to do the super uncomfortable firing a client thing.
Because the reality is if you're ever on a coaching call with me I probably am going to say fuck. Most likely scenario, multiple times. lol
So yeah, if someone gets offended by me saying "fuck" in an email, then yes please for the love of god unsubscribe because they would hate working with me and that's not going to be fun for either of us!
When we work with clients who are EXCITED AF to work with us...clients who vibe with our personality...yeah, it's obviously way more fun for us to work with them, but they're also going to get way better results. Because they're open to you, and they will actually listen to and trust what you have to say.
So honestly, for me, I now use the hate replies as a measure of success. Did I piss someone off with my message today? GREAT. Because that means I'm doing my job well.
(And while I'm sharing my opinions on things, I love the word fuck so much because it's like sprinkles on ice cream - it just adds a little extra sparkle to your sentences, you know? 😂)
Okay so if you made it this far, first of all, I love you.
Second of all, here's a hot tip for you to get your brain percolating on ways that you can incorporate attract and repel marketing into your own brand:
What about you is controversial? Honestly the more controversial the better lol
And if you can't immediately think of anything, reflect on the things about you that you've always felt insecure about, or have felt are a weakness. Maybe even something that has gotten you in trouble a lot (like me lol). And it's likely also something that you probably try to hide about yourself.
Another example of this in case it gets any wheels turning - one of my clients is a talker. Her mom even introduces her as "here's my talker.." and on many occasions, she has nicely been told to get to the point. She felt insecure about it for most her life! Until she realized that her natural ability to talk and tell stories is actually really her superpower.
I want you to know that the thing about yourself you're always trying to hide...maybe even embarrassed by...
THAT is your fucking superpower.
THAT is what actually makes you so unique and special, and truly who you are.
And we all need more of it.
And I'm also just gonna mom you for a sec, but don't you ever shrink yourself down just to make those around you feel more comfortable!
Life is way too short for that shit.
Like who wants to go through every day feeling as if they're having to wear a mask? To repress who they actually are? That's exhausting! You deserve to live your life unapologetically and fully you. And the people who are your people will be there to love, support, and encourage you to be authentically you - and the people who don't.....go with god, good luck, and I hope you find what they're looking for because it sure aint here. lol
Love you (exactly as you are), mean it. ♥️